Building up the confidence to talk to a beautiful stranger at the bar is something that’s oft-discussed and analyzed. There are a million manuals, books, articles and YouTube channels on how to do it. The thing that’s wrong with all of them? They make it too hard. Seriously. Getting phone numbers from beautiful women is not the same as Sudoku: don’t make an elaborate game of it! Here, we discuss some ways to go about approaching women that are simple and effective — but they’ll transform the way you think of the process.
Be Calm
Here’s the thing. Approaching strangers is the least chill thing in the entire universe, because you’re interrupting someone as they go about their day! Without warning!
It’s understandable that you’re nervous about it, and it’s natural to want to compensate for that nervousness. But resist the urge to approach with some corny gimmick, as if you’re a salesman going door-to-door with his product. Women can sense bullshit from a mile away, so it’s not necessary to dream up complicated pick-up lines. Plus, anything of the kind will stress her out. Stressing women out is definitely not good game.
Before you approach her, ask yourself ‘How would I want to be approached by a stranger?’ Relax! Be normal. Pretend that you’re talking to an old acquaintance you haven’t seen in a while. Ask her if she recommends the wine she’s drinking. Ask her opinion on that hat the bartender is wearing, instead of hitting on her with aggressive compliments. This will create a natural rapport and make the conversation that much smoother and more pleasant.
Approach Women Who Have Time To Talk To You
Good timing is key to flirtation, so observe what she’s doing before you go leaping across the room to talk to her. Is she furiously texting someone? Is she walking to the bathroom hurriedly? Does she seem busy or harried? Is she having a profound conversation with somebody at the bar? In all these situations, you shouldn’t approach a stranger. Even if she’s smitten by you, she won’t be able to talk while her boss is emailing her about a work crisis. Only approach women who seem relaxed and at their leisure — they’re the ones who’ll actually want to talk to you.
Keep It Low Stakes
It might seem like this is it. You’ve spotted a girl who’s a dead ringer for Jennifer Lawrence and you’re convinced this is your one shot at true love. But remember, that’s not the case! There will always be another day, another gorgeous woman across the room, another shot at true love. So don’t approach women as if it’s an all-or-nothing game. Remember, women are always evaluating the likelihood of a threat from strange men, so any intense come-ons are more creepy than they are flattering.
Don’t ask for her phone number right away — women aren’t comfortable giving that much information to a stranger. Start small: ask her politely if you can buy her a drink and add, “If not, no worries.” Adding a disclaimer to what you’re saying lets her know that you’re not a serial-killer (always a good thing!). You might want to give her your phone number, instead of taking hers.
Another power move is the walk-away. You can tell her “Hey, you seem really cool. If you’d like a drink later, I’ll be by the bar” and walk off. This is perfect, because it leaves the ball in her court. Now she’s free to come find you, and you have established that you’re not going to be pushy or creepy about it at all. The less pushy you appear, the better she’ll feel about texting you later to hang out.
Come To Terms With Getting Rejected
Repeat this to yourself before you go over! Repeat it until you’ve internalized it. Rejection is like bread-and-butter. It’s not about you, it’s just that she’s not feeling it that particular day. You can’t succeed every time. Failing is good practice (even Steph Curry misses some shots!). So if she says No, don’t stress it. Don’t overthink it, and definitely don’t ask her why or push her to change her mind. That’s a surefire way to creep out a woman.
It’s important to keep in mind that women don’t always reject men directly. They may feel too uncomfortable to rap out a hard No the second you go over. But that doesn’t mean you should keep talking obliviously — why would you want to talk to somebody you have to hold hostage? Be sensitive to any signal that she’s not interested. Read her nonverbal cues and body language — is she crossing her arms or tapping her feet in impatience? If she’s replying with one-word answers, or is distracted and looking elsewhere, this is your cue to excuse yourself nicely and go get a drink.
If she says No outright, smile and say “Well, it was worth a shot. Have a great day!” That way she’ll be flattered, and leave with a positive opinion of the interaction. After all, making someone’s day is a pretty decent alternative to getting their number.
Respect Her Time
Okay, she’s actually interested — that’s great! You’re hitting it off, and she’s enthusiastic, chatty and animated. But hold on: that doesn’t mean you should push it. She may not want to spend the entire night talking to you — which is why you should be mindful of her circumstances.
For instance, if she’s with her friends on girls’ night, don’t monopolize her entire night. There will be plenty of chances to talk later. Give her your phone number and let her know you’d love to continue this. Respecting their time and space is the only real way to succeed with women. Good luck!
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Thanks for the write-ups. It’s evaluation worth millions, thanks for being there
Thanks for this, you are a die hard coach. We need you on this